Where have you been?

Or should I say, where have I been?

Blogging, as you might have gathered, is not my strong suit. The words aren't the issue - they tend to come easily enough once I get started. It's more the remembering to blog in the first place. And then there's the worrying about what to blog about - what do I have to say that's different enough to keep people interested? Blogging's kind of narcissistic, isn't it? Assuming that I've got something interesting enough to say that people ought to hear it.

Anyway, where have I been?

I've been busy. I've finally finished (yes, really finished this time) my thriller novel. No more last minute edits, no more revisions or do-overs, it's actually finished and edited. I'm currently waiting for the final version of my book cover to come back so I can approve it and we're virtually there - I'm the closest I've ever been to self-publishing an entire novel. And it's terrifying.

I've been quietly confident about the premise from the get-go. It's a thriller. A proper sit-by-the-pool, pass-the-sangria holiday fling that I'm hoping can be gobbled up in a couple of days. But as I get nearer to actually holding a finished book, cover and all, in my hands, I've got to be honest, I'm nervous.

In the run up to seriously looking into self-publishing this book, I decided to go at the marketing full force. I'm talking book release event, social ads, vlogs, book trailers. And now it's nearing the date where I actually need to organise these things, I can't help but question every decision I've ever made. Will a book release make me massively big headed? Will anyone care enough to click on social ads or is it a total waste of money? Am I really seriously thinking people will want to watch me vlog - hell, will I actually want to do that? I mean, the thought of my face on the wrong side of a camera lens is petrifying. And book trailer? Who do I think I am?

I've read a lot on imposter syndrome and self-sabotaging and I'm making a real concerted effort to let neither of these things in. Neil Gaiman's probably my saviour here - he talks about this kind of thing an awful lot. About feeling like you're making it all up. Well, I guess we can all take solace in how true that is. I am most definitely making this up as a I go along, aside from the stream of questions I've been asking my successfully published author cousin, Sean. Thank you, by the way; I'd have blocked me by now. But the reality of it is, we are all making this up as we go along. And as terrifying as it is to ultimately commercialise a part of my personality within the pages of a book and attempt to sell it to people, I do take shelter in knowing that the majority of people feel the same way about this sort of thing.

And hey, if it doesn't go how exactly how I plan, I can learn a lot and then try this entire process all over again in the winter.

So, successfully to plan or not at all, Number 47 - my debut thriller novel - will be coming out in July. Watch this space!

P.S - I'm not going to promise to keep this blog up to date. We've been there - you know as well as me it's not likely to happen, so I won't fib. I will, however, try harder to keep everyone up to date!